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Chuck Norris...
And I couldn't help myself, because...this one made me tear up....

Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
[Image: Sirens.gif]
Another of my favorites:

"In the beginning, there was nothing, until Chuck Norris kicked that nothing in the face and said, 'Get a life.' That's how the universe came to be."

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