TONIGHT'S "CABERTOSS FOR HAGGIS" WILL NOT BE SEEN TONIGHT. PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR A SPECIAL EFW EVENT
The lights in the EFW arena are dimmed and a quiet hush falls over the crowd. The screen over the rampway lights up, showing a collage of slow motion footage featuring memebers of the competing teams in the main event: Condo laughing evilly with Jade, Avatar bowing, Death's Head sliding a thumb across his throat, Bane and Weehawk standing back to back with their arms crossed, Onslaught with his arms spread out and roaring, Bo with a towel over his head and pointing to the sky, Atlas flexing his muscles and Hannibal pointing to his chest and saying "I'm a man among men". The screen goes black and, suddenly, an explosion of fireworks ignite the air, drawing loud cheers from the hardcore EFW crowd. A graphic appears on screen:
The logo fades and the camera switches to the announce position where SAM Michaels and “Odd” ABE (wearing a neon yellow cowboy hat, an orange and black striped jacket, and an oversized pair of glasses with the lenses poked out). Their names appear under them on the screen.
SAM: “Hello EFW fans, this is SAM Michaels along with…”
ABE: “…your HOST, the 1966 Olympic Gold Medalist for wrestling, ‘Odd’ ABE!”
SAM: “I thought you had told me it was ’67?”
ABE: “That’s what you get for thinking.”
SAM: “Nevertheless, WELCOME TO EFW MAYHEM! Tonight we’re bringing you two big matches that can’t be contained on television! They’re too BIG for a house show! So Vice President Red Dog has asked for and gotten this special segment to present this special event to you, the loyal EFW fans!”
ABE: “Bah, this hack Vice President is just trying to make waves! He thinks this control he’s making the most of all this control he has right now, because once Vermin gets back he’s going to see the mess of things he’s making and break every bone in his body!”
SAM: “I think Red Dog has been doing a fine job, ABE.”
ABE: “Listen to you! Kissing @$$! Fishing for a raise, SAM?”
SAM: “I take offense to that, thank you, Mr. Kettle.”
ABE: “Huh?”
SAM: “Tonight it will be a Team Elimination match with big stakes on the line! Team Potterdam - Jade, the ‘Extreme’ Condo Warrior, Death’s Head, Onslaught, along with team captain ‘the Original Warrior’ Alexander Atlas will face off against Team Vermin - Avatar, Bo Abobo, Weehawk, Bane, and Hannibal the Redeemer! The order of participants has been randomly selected in secret via lottery, so not even the opponents know who they’re going to be facing, or when!”
ABE: “And what’s on the line? Vice President Red Dog becomes the personal genie for each member of the winning team. One request, within his power to grant, will be honored! That’s one heck of an incentive!”
SAM: “Also tonight a #1 Contender’s Match has been ordered by Vice President Red Dog. After several attempts in the last few weeks that have ended in controversy, ‘the Human Wrecking Ball’ Jack Furlong and ‘the ICON’ Rick Idol will face off in an Unsanctioned match! That means the only thing keeping them in check will be their own consciences. There MUST be a winner!”
ABE: “And everybody knows that the ICON and HWB don’t HAVE a conscience! Ha ha! And that means we’re going to see the greatest match in EFW history tonight, and the winner gets the questionable reward of having to face Tyrant for the EFW World Heavyweight Title!”
SAM: “But first folks we’re going to take a special inside peek at the EFW Dojo. The premiere class is nearing its final weeks and the challenges have increased tenfold for the hard working students.
ABE: “Why do we have to watch these snot-nosed punks? Nobody out there cares about a bunch of greenhorns who can’t even lace up their boots straight!”
SAM: “They’re the future of the EFW, ABE, and like it or not in just a few weeks you’re going to be seeing them in action in that very ring.”
ABE: “IF they graduate. With the dropout rate that school has, they might as well have put a revolving door out front to save the losers some time!”
SAM: “Oh stop it! We’ve got to take a commercial break, folks. ‘Inside the EFW Dojo’ is coming up!”
A pretty blonde-haired woman with shiny teeth is smiling.
WOMAN: “Why am I smiling? I’m quitting smoking! But I’m not a super-hero… I’m an addict. That’s why I have help from Tobacco Patch! Potterdam Industries Incorporated has produced the world’s most effective solution to stepping down gradually from the near impossible to quit habit of smoking. I used to smoke ten cartons a week, but now all I have to do is stick one Tobacco Patch on my arm…”
Rolls up her left sleeve to reveal the patch.
WOMAN: “…one on my OTHER arm…”
She rolls up her right sleeve to reveal another patch.
WOMAN: “…three on my hips…”
Lifts up her shirt slightly to reveal 3 more patches.
WOMAN: “…and of course, two on my tongue!”
She sticks her tongue out to reveal two very nasty looking patches that have been sucked dry.
WOMAN: “Whoops, time to change them. Just a second.”
She opens up a closet to reveal 5 shelves filled with Tobacco Patch boxes. In a sudden frenzy she grabs a box and rips it open with her teeth, quickly pulling out two patches and stuffing them in her mouth greedily. She closes her eyes and begins sucking, a huge satisfied smile on her face.
WOMAN: “Ah, that’s better. The simple 520 week program gradually helps you quit, and then you’re free!”
The scene dims as the woman spits out the two patches she just put in and quickly replaces them with two more.
VOICEOVER: “TobaccoPatchmaycausehallucinations,nausea,permanentaddiction,diarrhea,throatcancer,andlossoflife. Support programs can help. Brought to you by Potterdam Industries Incorporated.”The program returns to show the inside of the EFW Dojo training area. The instructors are shown standing in front of the ring and their various students surround it. John Dempsey is addressing them.
The scene fades to a black match-up screen. A picture of Rick Idol, wearing his ICON t-shirt and giving the # 1 sign is shown next to a picture of Jack Furlong, giving a middle finger to the camera. Under their pictures the words "UP NEXT” are shown. Then it fades to commercial.
Maxwell Potterdam III walks on screen. His name appears in front of him and he is smiling.
POTTERDAM: “Hello, I’m Maxwell Potterdam III, CEO of Potterdam Industries Incorporated. Here at P.I.I. we’re working to unite the world under one banner and make it a better place. With 7 global satellite networks, 4 military contracts, 18 pharmaceutical companies, and much more, P.I.I. is the world leader. Thank you for your continued support, and know that while all of you keep spending your hard earned money on our products, we will continue to provide you with newer and better services. Enjoy the show.
Mayhem returns
SAM: “We’re back fans! It looks like the EFW Dojo students are coming along great, ABE.”
ABE: “ZZzzzz… huh? What? Is it over finally?”
SAM: “ABE…”
ABE: “Good, because NOW we can start the real show! I’ve been waiting for this one!”
SAM: “Let’s go to Larry Wunarrme for the introductions.”
LARRY: "Ladies and gentlemen, it is now my duty to inform you that the next bout will be UNSANCTIONED by the EFW, save that the winner will be recognized as the NUMBER ONE contender to the EFW World Heavyweight Championship!"
The crowd buzzes with excitement as they rise to their feet, anticipating the introductions.
LARRY: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall. There is NO time limit and will be NO countouts: there MUST be a winner!"
"Step Back" hits the speakers and a chorus of "Boos" erupts from the crowd. Jack Furlong pushes his way through the curtains and stomps down the aisle toward the ring. There is a scowl on his face as he flips off every person in the arena on his way.
LARRY: "Introducing first - weighing in at 245 lb. and hailing from Birminghan, Alabama... 'The Human Wrecking Ball' JACK FURLONG!"
Furlong hits the ring and raises his arms. He then gets in the face of the Ref, trash talking and sticking his finger in his chest. "Legend" hits the speakers and a mixed reaction of boos and cheers erupts from the crowd.
LARRY: "And his opponent - weighing in at 242 lb. and hailing from 'Anywhere he damn well pleases!'... "the ICON" RICK IDOL!"
Idol storms through the curtain, a look of determination on his face. He is wearing a new t-shirt: on the front it reads "How are you going to beat the ICON?"; as he makes his way the camera pans to his back and you see what's written there - "YOU CAN'T BEAT THE ICON!"
. Idol and Furlong lock eyes and stare a hole through each other as he makes his way to the ring.SAM: "Fans, I'll warn you right now that this is NOT going to be for the weak of heart."
ABE: "Right, so all of you girly pansies out there just switch to Lifetime and watch the Meredith Baxter Bernie marathon while us REAL men tune in to what could be the greatest fight of all time!"
SAM: "That's funny coming from a man wearing pink and green argyle pants."
ABE: "Hey, it takes a real man to make this look work!"
SAM: "Idol's in the ring and Furlong isn't waiting for the bell! He throws a Punch but Idol anticipates it, grabbing the arm and ramming it with Shoulder Thrusts. Furlong breaks it with a Straight Punch, then scoops Idol up and hits a Body Slam. Collar and Elbow Tie-up as both men jockey for position… Furlong breaks it in frustration and drops Idol with an Elbow Stamp. He grabs Idol by the hair and rams his head into the turnbuckle. Idol fights fire with fire and grabs Furlong by the hair and rams HIS head into the turnbuckle. Furlong with a Snapmare, picks him up, another Elbow Stamp. He’s going for the Spear… Idol moves out of the way and catches him with a Toe Kick on the way back up. Body Slam by Idol… he tosses him over the top rope to the floor!”
ABE: “That’s what I love about these guys… total ruthlessness!”
SAM: “No doubt about it. Furlong is back in and angry… Hard Right Cross glances Idol and a stiff forearm takes him down… now Furlong is on top of him with a Hair Clutch Punch! He lifts him up… once again with the Elbow Stamp. Idol is up quickly, however and surprises Furlong with a Body Slam. He’s got the legs… he’s applying the Triangle Scorpion!”
IDOL: “NUMBER ONE!”
SAM: “Furlong’s back and leg are in jeopardy here… he manages to break the hold. Both men trading punches… Idol with another Body Slam. Furlong is up and he’s going for the Piledriver! NO! Idol blocks it and dumps him with a Back Body Drop! Idol’s on top of him with Hair Clutch Punches now… Furlong shoves him off. Both men back to their feet and Furlong goes for the Haymaker… Idol blocks it and levels him with a Punch of his own! That knocked the taste out of Furlong’s mouth! Idol has him in the Royal Octopus Stretch, but Furlong grabs the rope. Furlong with a Straight Punch… Idol with the Double Leg Tackle… Furlong with a Back Switch… Idol slides out from behind and applies the Standing Half-Crab!”
ABE: “These guys know the reversals for the reversals!”
SAM: “Idol releases the hold and lifts him to his feet… Snap Suplex! Idol has him by the legs and the Ref is warning him… BLATANT Stomp to the Groin! The Ref can’t do anything about it, anything can go in this one! Idol measures Furlong as he slowly gets to his feet… he clips the knee out from under him! Furlong is back with a Body Slam, however… now he’s applying the Abdominal Stretch… Idol hip tosses out of it. Furlong goes for the Piledriver again… and this time he connects! Stomp to the head… and now to the leg… he hauls Idol to his feet and throws the Haymaker… BLOCKED and Idol levels him with another Hard Punch!”
ABE: “I hope every one of those yahoos in the Dojo are watching this. THIS is what wrestling is all about! Swift and blinding VIOLENCE!”
SAM: “Furlong is back up with a Straight Punch and Irish Whips the ICON to the ropes… TURNING SPINEBUSTER plants Idol into the mat! Furlong has him set for the Piledriver again… JUMPING PILEDRIVER! Good God Almighty the impact from that one could have caved Idol’s skull in! Furlong goes for the cover… 1… 2.. KICK OUT! How Idol kicked out of that one I don’t know!”
ABE: “He’s THE ICON! As tough as Furlong is, he’s not going to put the ICON away that easy!”
SAM: “Idol tries an Irish Whip, but Furlong reverses it, whipping him into the corner. He lifts Idol up onto the turnbuckle and follows him up… SUPER BACK SUPLEX!! Idol is in serious trouble now as Furlong waits for him to rise. Idol slowly gets to his feet and Furlong hits the ropes… BEST DROPKICK IN THE BUSINESS drops Idol! IDOL’S BACK UP! Furlong can’t believe it and goes after him… Idol dodges and clips the knee out once again! Back to the Standing Half-Crab and Idol seems to be targetting the leg.”
ABE: “After getting hit by that Dropkick it’s in the ICON’s best interest to make sure Furlong can’t throw it again.”
SAM: “CAPTURE SUPLEX by Furlong! Idol is up, but dazed and Furlong goes for the kill… MULE KICK by Idol drops Furlong! He drives Furlong’s knee in to the mat with a Leg Hanging Kneebreaker! Stomp to the arm and Idol picks him up… Snap Suplex! Idol scoops him up and Body Slams him OVER the top rope to the floor! Now he drops to one knee and flexes his muscles for the crowd, drawing a mixed reaction.”
ABE: “Whether you love him or hate him, he’s the best there is!”
SAM: “I’m sure the World Champion would argue that point. Furlong gets back into the ring and Idol moves in… Furlong catches him with an Irish Whip… BEST DROPKICK IN THE BUSINESS floors Idol! Furlong applies a Texas Cloverleaf… no, he rolls over for the cover… 1… 2… ALMOST! Idol BARELY got the shoulder up and Furlong is LIVID! Idol is up… LEGEND KILLER… Furlong barely moved out of the way!”
ABE: “Talk about dodging a bullet!”
SAM: “Idol with a Snap Suplex! He picks him up and measures him, but Furlong makes the first move… JUMPING PILEDRIVER! That’s the third Piledriver Idol’s taken! Furlong goes for the Cloverleaf pin again… 1… 2… AGAIN Idol lifts the shoulder up just in time! Furlong’s getting angry with Stu Lumpkin’s count, here. Idol is FUMING as he forces Furlong into Piledriver position… REVERSE TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER drives Furlong’s head into the mat!”
ABE: “Paybacks are a BITCH! What a move!”
SAM: “Idol goes back to the leg with a Leg Hanging Kneebreaker… and there’s another Stomp to the arm. Furlong reaches up, grabs the tights, and whips Idol HARD into the turnbuckle! Idol bounced off hard from that impact! Furlong raises his arms arrogantly as the crowd boos… he goes for the Cloverleaf pin again… 1… 2… KICK OUT! Once again Idol barely gets the shoulder up! Furlong is screaming curses as he charges back in, but Idol catches him with a Body Slam! He bounces off the ropes… Running Stomp! Idol falls back for the cover… 1… 2… Furlong kicks out at 2! Idol strikes with the Snap Suplex once again and quickly picks him back up… Furlong with Reverses him into a Side Russian Legsweep!”
ABE: “Damn, who’s going to win this?!”
SAM: “Furlong’s got him hooked… is it? YES! THE SHITSACK SLAMMER!! Idol got folded up like an accordion! Furlong looks smug as he moves in…IDOL JUMPS UP!”
ABE: “HOW?!”
SAM: “Furlong is in shock as Idol puts him in position…”
IDOL: “NUMBER ONE!”
SAM: “NUMBER ONE POWERBOMB! Idol raises his fist in the air as Lumpkin makes the count… 1… 2… FURLONG GOT THE SHOULDER UP! He just narrowly beat the 3 and Idol is now questioning the count. Lumpkin is calling things right down the middle, here. Idol sneers as he lifts Furlong up… REVERSE TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! Idol rolls him over for the cover!”
IDOL: “OVER!”
SAM: “1… 2… FURLONG KICKS OUT! FURLONG KICKS OUT! That had to be 2.9! Furlong with a Capture Suplex on Idol and he drops on him with Hair Clutch Punches, screaming curses at Idol! Idol shoves him off, Furlong charges back in but gets caught right in the breadbasket with a Hard Punch to the Gut by Idol, folding him over to the mat. Idol rolls him over for the Two Handed Press once again…”
IDOL: “OVER!”
SAM: “1… 2… AGAIN Furlong beats the 3! Idol SPITS on Furlong as he lifts him to his feet… REVERSE TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER for the THIRD time! Idol’s not going for the cover, that’s a mistake… he lifts Furlong up… uh-oh, he’s measuring him… LEGEND KILLER!!”
ABE: “The most deadly martial arts strike in the business!! Did you see how high Furlong got knocked in the air?!”
SAM: “He hit the mat like a ton of bricks! Idol’s not going for the pin! He’s trying to send a message to Furlong, but it could cost him. Reverse DDT by Idol on the semi-conscious Furlong. He drags Furlong to the corner and rams his head HARD into the turnbuckle… NORTHERN LIGHT’S SUPLEX by Furlong! 1… 2… FOOT ON THE ROPES! The pin is broken up and both men are down… Idol lays an arm on Furlong’s chest! 1… 2… KICK OUT! Furlong kicks out at 2! Neither man is willing to allow the other to get a victory here. They’re kicking and clawing to beat the other to his feet. Furlong is up first! He’s moving in… Idol makes it to his feet… they’re grappling… who’s going to win it… Idol does and he pushes Furlong down into position…”
IDOL: “NUMBER ONE!”
SAM: “NUMBER ONE POWERBOMB!! Idol sticks his fist in the air as Lumpkin drops for the count… 1… 2… 3!! It’s over! Idol releases the hold and holds his finger in the air! Idol gets the title shot at Tyrant!”
IDOL: “NUMBER ONE!”
ABE: “Awesome performance!”
SAM: “Furlong is in shock! He’s got Stu Lumpkin by the throat and is practically STRANGLING HIM! Where’s security?! We need to get them out here! What’s Idol doing? He’s gotten Furlong off of Lumpkin, who wisely gets out of the ring. Standoff here… what’s going to happen? There doesn’t need to be any words… the smirk on Idol’s face and the hate in Furlong’s is enough to send the message. FURLONG SPIT ON HIM!”
ABE: “Uh-oh…”
SAM: “IDOL SPITS BACK! And that’s it, both men are going back at it, tackling each other to the math kicking and clawing to maim the other! FINALLY we’ve got some security out here! Hopefully we can get some order restored here folks while we take a break. We’ll be back for our Main Event!”
ABE: “I want a copy of this tape!”
A man is driving a car with a woman sitting in the passenger seat. They both have huge smiles on their faces.
MAN: “When you live in the suburbs like we do, you need a vehicle that’s up to the task of helping you through your day.”
WOMAN: “That’s why we bought the new Potterdam Submersial GTA.”
MAN: “It seats 15, has the power to haul a 20 ton tank, and in jet mode it can break Mach 20.”
WOMAN: “So far we haven’t used it, but we just feel good having it.”
MAN: “That’s right, honey. Uh-oh, looks like rain!”
WOMAN: “No problem for the Submersial, dear!”
They both laugh as she presses a button on the panel and the camera zooms out to reveal the vehicle driving off a cliff, transforming into a submarine before it hits the water.
VOICEOVER: “The new Potterdam Submersial GTA. Because Power is all that matters!”SAM: "We're back EFW fans, and it's time for the big one!"
ABE: "This match is going to kick so much ass... GOD is going to need a pillow cushion for his seat!"
LARRY: "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a Team Elimination Match!"
The fans immediately erupt into a chorus of cheers
LARRY: "The rules are as follows: one member from each team will start the match and compete until there is a decision. When one member is eliminated, the next member of his team enters the contest to face the winner. The team who eliminates all the members of the opposing team will be declared the winner. The order of participants have been chosen by a lottery. The members of the winning team will each get a request granted by Vice President Red Dog. And now, the first participant, representing TEAM POTTERDAM..."
"No Chance in Hell (remix)" hits the speakers and Maxwell Potterdam III leads out Atlas.
LARRY: "...being led down the aisle by his manager, Maxwell Potterdam III... weighing in at 247 lb. and hailing from Argos, Argolida, GREECE... 'the Original Warrior' ALEXANDER ATLAS!"
Atlas is wearing a ceremonial tunic with Ancient Greek symbols on it as he confidently walks to the ring. Potterdam gives him a thumbs up and walks toward the announcer's table.
SAM: "What a shocker! The leader of Team Potterdam got the short straw! This can't be good for Potterdam's team!"
ABE: "I don't know, this guy is built like a brick $#!%house, and he's got that one advantage not many people in this match have - he's only been in a few matches, and we've only seen a small portion of his offense. It's hard to scout a guy like that, especially when he's got access to hours and hours of footage of the Sickos."
SAM: "Speak of the devil, it looks like we're going to be joined by Maxwell Potterdam III."
Atlas is in the ring and carefully removing his tunic as Potterdam puts on a headset and takes a seat.
POTTERDAM: "Greetings, gentlemen!"
ABE: "Always a pleasure, Mr. Potterdam."
SAM: "I look forward to your thoughts on the matches we're about to see, Max. Especially with everything that's been laid on the line."
POTTERDAM: "Don't you worry, my thoughts will be laid out on the table for all to hear."
LARRY: "And his opponent..."
"Iron Head" hits the speakers and the Sickos fans are on their feet. Bo, a towel draped over his head, takes a couple of steps through the apron and stands on the rampway, looking at all the people.
LARRY: "...representing TEAM VERMIN... weighing in at 230 lb. and hailing from Glasgow, Scotland... BO ABOBO!"
Bo drops to his knees and points to the sky, then quickly runs toward the ring.
SAM: "It's a rematch from Massacre!"
POTTERDAM: "That was a fluke and you know it!"
SAM: "Is that a bead of sweat I see on your forehead?"
POTTERDAM: "It's hot in here..."
ABE: "This is going to be great! No tree hugging hippies or baby-kissers to worry about, just two ruthless bastards ripping each other apart!"
SAM: "Bo isn't wasting any time getting to the ring! He slides in, but Atlas is waiting for him with a Hammer Blow. Bo absorbs it and hits a Hammer Blow of his own... HE'S GOT THE KATAHA-JIME LOCKED ON!"
ABE: "THE ABOBO-MISSION! I can't believe he hit it this early!"
POTTERDAM: "NO! COME ON ALEXANDER!"
SAM: "Atlas didn't let him get it locked on tight and escapes. Bo with a Straight Punch to the face, but Atlas absorbs it and rams Bo's head into the turnbuckle. He's setting him up on the turnbuckle... NO! Bo flips out of it and grabs him from behind!"
ABE: "That's not where you want Bo to be..."
SAM: "Atlas blocks the Bo-plex attempt with an elbow... and he spins 360 degrees to catch Bo with an Enzui-giri! Atlas drops down and begins pounding the back of Bo's head with Mounted Punches. Bo is up and tries an Irish Whip... Atlas reverses it and bounces off the other side... Atlas knocks him down with an Open Chest Palm Blow. Atlas with a quick stomp to the head, but Bo is quickly back up and PUNCHING LIKE A MADMAN!"
ABE: "SWIFT AND BLINDING VIOLENCE!"
POTTERDAM: "He doesn't want this to turn into a martial arts contest, trust me. Alexander will eat him alive."
SAM: "Atlas shrugs off the blows and forces in a Hammer Blow, dropping Bo face first to the mat. Atlas flexes his muscle, then drops the big Elbow across Bo's neck. But Bo is up once again, catching Atlas with a Body Slam. OH! Kneedrop to the groin!"
POTTERDAM: "Now THAT'S uncalled for..."
ABE: "YES! Somebody get me some popcorn!"
SAM: "Bo tries to follow up but Atlas hits him with a Throat Thrust. Bo responds by whipping him into the turnbuckle... he follows in but Atlas nails him with a Straight Shouda, setting him up for a kick... Bo catches the leg! DRAGONSCREW LEG WHIP! Bo moves in but Atlas hoists him up in the air and slams him down to the mat hard with a Reverse Waterwheel Drop!"
POTTERDAM: "Whoa ho ho! Look at the power!"
SAM: "He is damn impressive, I'll give you that. Atlas picks Bo right back up and measures him... POUNDING LARIAT nearly takes Bo's head off! Bo comes back with a Hammerblow... Atlas is back up but dazed... what a Jumping Heel Kick by Bo! Atlas felt that one! Bo locks in the Indian Deathlock and bends backward to apply the Reverse Chinlock! Bo let's go of the hold and lifts him up... he's got him hooked for the Belly to Belly! OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY BO-PLEX sends Atlas over the top rope to the concrete floor!"
ABE: "FIRST BO-PLEX OF THE NIGHT! And what a way to kick 'em off!"
POTTERDAM: "Oh my GOD!"
SAM: "Bo looks out at Atlas and flips him the Double Bird, and the crowd goes nuts! Atlas is shaking off the cobwebs and gets back in the ring. Bo tries to follow up but Atlas catches him... he's pressing him up like he was a CHILD! Gorilla Press Slam drops Bo face first to the mat! He picks up Bo and applies a waistlock... Bo with a go-behind... GERMAN BO-PLEX!"
POTTERDAM: "COME ON ALEXANDER! You were chosen by Zeus himself! You have the power of the Gods behind you!"
ABE: "Whozawhazzit?"
SAM: "Bo is up first and drops a VICIOUS Knee to the Groin, following that up by Punching him on the mat. Atlas Irish Whips him... drops down and Bo leaps over him... Atlas goes for the Pounding Clothesline but Bo runs over him! Bo with the Jacknife Hold for the cover! 1... 2... KICKOUT! Atlas recovers and drops Bo with a Double Ax-handle across the back. Atlas locks on the Reverse Figure Four... Bo grabs the bottom rope to escape. KATAHA-JIME! Bo's got it locked in once again!"
POTTERDAM: "NO! Alexander, hold on!"
ABE: "Atlas is busted wide open! He's got one of those blood... thingees... you know..."
SAM: "Are you trying to say 'crimson mask'?"
ABE: "YEAH, that!"
SAM: "Atlas somehow holds on and escapes the hold, but Bo is in firm control here. He slams Atlas' head into the turnbuckle... he's hooked him in the Tree of Woe... Thrust Kick struck Atlas right on the knee! Bo looks to the corner and runs... SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT across the back of Atlas! Bo is just waiting now... Atlas is up and walks into a Capture Bo-plex! Bo picks him up and grabs him from behind... Elbow shot to the face saves Atlas from another Bo-plex. He slams Bo down again with another Reverse Waterwheel Drop! He lifts Bo up and measures him... High Angle Dropkick catches Bo right on the chin!"
POTTERDAM: "YES! That's it, Alexander, stay with me!"
ABE: "I made that move famous back in the '66 Olympics, you know."
SAM: "I thought you said it was '68?"
ABE: "Can we PLEASE focus on the action in the ring? Jesus."
SAM: "Bo is the first one up and sets Atlas up for a Vertical Bo-plex... he's holding him up there a long time... BROUGHT HIM DOWN WITH A SCREWDRIVER! What impact! And once again he drops down and Punches Atlas, trying to bust him open even more. He powers Atlas up... CAPTURE BO-PLEX! Bo folds him over with the Jacknife Hold for the pin! 1..."
ABE: "That HAS to be it!"
SAM: "2..."
POTTERDAM: "Come on...!"
SAM: "3!!! Team Vermin gets the first victory over Team Potterdam's team leader!"
POTTERDAM: "NO! NO! NO!!!"
ABE: "God that was great! No disrespect, of course, Mr. Potterdam."
POTTERDAM: *GRUMBLE*
Bo drops to his knees and points to the sky as the Sickos fans cheer. Potterdam is visibly angry and takes off his headset, grabbing a microphone.
POTTERDAM: "Oh, that's great, yeah, live it up! You got one! Unfortunately for you, it's your LAST one! You see, originally Jade was supposed to be a part of my team, but she has suffered an unfortunate injury and won't be able to compete."
SAM: "What?!?"
ABE: "She probably stubbed a toenail kicking some guy's head off."
POTTERDAM: "So all day today I scrambled trying to find a replacement, looking everywhere with no one to turn to... until someone found me. And that someone HATES you Bo... just as he hates ALL of the Sickos! That someone would do ANYTHING to wipe all of you off the face of the Earth! That someone is your next opponent. That someone is a 285 lb. behemoth. And that someone is named... PROTOTYPE!"
Potterdam laughs maniacally as he drops the microphone and puts his headset back on. "Hunter/Killer" hits the speakers and the monstrous man in black who attacked the Sickos two weeks back steps through the curtain. He has an evil smile on his face as he marches to the ring. Bo waves him on, chomping at the bit to get his hands on him.
SAM: "OH MY GOD! It's that mystery man who's been shadowing the Sickos!"
ABE: "Holy $#!% on toast, you have to be scared when a guy WANTS to go after the Sickos!"
POTTERDAM: "HA! Now it's time to watch HIS blood spill!"
SAM: "What is your relationship with this man?"
POTTERDAM: "Purely business for one night only, unless he wishes me to represent him further in the EFW, of course.
SAM: "Prototype is in the ring now and Bo wastes no time getting him some! He Irish whips him to the ropes... duck down... Bo tries a Shoulder Tackle with no effect on the big man! Prototype with a Judo Throw on Bo and hooks a leg for the cover...1... 2... kickout! Bo's back up quick but Prototype hooks him by the arm and head... what's he got him set up for here?"
ABE: "From the way he's grinning it can't be good."
POTTERDAM: "Just wait and see."
SAM: "He's hoists Bo up... he's holding him up and running in a circular motion... SLAMS him down with a Modified Uranage! Good God, the ring SHOOK!"
POTTERDAM: "He calls that 'Terminal Overdrive', and it IS terminal for one Mr. Bo Abobo!"
ABE: "Jesus, I've NEVER seen Bo manhandled like that!"
SAM: "Prototype hooks the leg again for the cover... 1... 2... 3! NO! Stu Lumpkin says Bo got the shoulder up!"
POTTERDAM: "GODDAMNED inept officiating!"
SAM: "That was 2.9 at least! Prototype doesn't skip a beat, picking Bo up and lifting him in a Fireman's Carry... he turned it into a GUT CRUSHER! He drags Bo up by his tights and hooks him by the arm and head again... here we go... TERMINAL OVERDRIVE! He doesn't go for the cover this time... he's going to do it AGAIN! NO, Bo switches around him... Jumping Heel Kick knocks Prototype off his feet and the Sicko fans are alive again! Prototype is unfazed, but Bo waistlocks him from behind... Belly to Back Bo-plex drops Prototype right on his neck!"
ABE: "Looks like he's stoppable after... all... holy $#!%!"
SAM: "HE'S RIGHT BACK UP! Bo is in shock! He hooks him again... I think Prototype LET him grab him... OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY BO-PLEX sends Prototype over the top rope to the floor! HE LANDED ON HIS FEET!"
ABE: "WHAT?!?"
SAM: "He slides back in the ring, only to get caught by a DDT from Bo, and that seems to have fazed him, finally! What is this guy MADE of? Bo drops a Knee to the Groin... Prototype felt that one! Jumping Heel Kick catches the big man on the side of the head. Another DDT... Prototype is back up, only to get knocked down by a Pounding Lariat! Bo hits the ropes and leaps up with a HUGE Missile Dropkick! He looked like a cruise missile there!"
POTTERDAM: "He'd better get in whatever token offense he can, this one's almost over."
SAM: "Bo hooks him for a Vertical Bo-plex, but he can't move the big man! Prototype REVERSES into a huge Suplex of his own and goes for the cover! 1... 2... Bo BARELY got the shoulder up! Prototype is angry now, pulling Bo into position... POWERBOMB! He held on! ANOTHER Powerbomb! HE STILL HELD ON! TRIPLE POWERBOMB with the cover! 1... 2... BO KICKED OUT! He just barely beat the three!"
POTTERDAM: "I don't know how much more of this corrupt officiating I can take. You've got a simple job, moron! Slap the mat 3 times!"
SAM: "Bo with a Fireman's Carry Takeover on Prototype, follows it with another BRUTAL Groin Knee Drop... he's stepping outside and looking for something under the ring... HE'S GOT A SICKLE!"
ABE: "WOO HOO! Time for 'Working with Tools the Abobo Way'!"
SAM: "Potterdam is up on the ring apron now and the Ref is busy trying to keep him from coming in, and that gives Bo the opportunity to rake the sickle across the face! Good God Prototype is gashed open! And he's still getting up! Bo rises to the challenge and begins Punching like a Madman, forcing the big man back. He goes behind, he locks his fingers... DOUBLE GERMAN BO-PLEX!"
POTTERDAM: "This is RIDICULOUS!"
SAM: "Prototype is up AGAIN... OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY BO-PLEX! He actually hit the ropes and bounced back to the mat from that one! Bo's just shaking his head... uh-oh..."
ABE: "I think he wanted a home run on that one..."
SAM: "He goes behind on Prototype... THROWING GERMAN BO-PLEX sends Prototype over the top rope and into the security fence... HE HOPPED RIGHT UP!"
ABE: "I did NOT just see that! Nobody just 'hops right up' from that move!"
SAM: "Well HE just did, and he’s getting back in the ring! Bo isn't giving up yet... Capture Bo-plex! He whips Prototype into the ropes and bounces off the other side... WESTERN LARIAT actually flips Prototype 360 degrees! KATAHA-JIME!!!"
ABE: "The Abobo-mission! After all he's taken, this guy ain't getting out of this one!"
SAM: "The Ref is checking... he's checking... I think... I think... is Prototype LAUGHING?! HE'S STANDING UP! Bo has that hold locked in TIGHT and this monster is standing up! He's lifting Bo up onto his shoulders... he shoots him up and brings him crashing down across his knee with a Gut Crusher! I have NEVER seen anything like that!"
ABE: "Bo has hit him with everything but the kitchen sink! I think this guy might BE the kitchen sink!"
POTTERDAM: "Get used to it gentlemen, this one was over before it started."
SAM: "HE'S CLIMBING THE TOP ROPE!"
ABE: "You've GOT to be kidding!"
SAM: "FROG SPLASH! Prototype just hit the DAMNEDEST Frog Splash I think we'll ever see and goes for the cover! 1... 2... and 3! Bo has been eliminated!
ABE: "Okay, I'm officially SCARED now!"
Prototype stands up and stares down at Bo, smiling as the blood pours down his face. He licks his lips, tasting the blood, and slides his thumb across his throat. He picks up Bo, lifts him high over his head and dumps him over the top rope to the floor, garnering more boos.
SAM: "NOW THAT'S UNCALLED FOR!"
POTTERDAM: "Oh, NOW you have righteous indignation? What about all those illegal attacks, huh? Bo had that coming to him, as do ALL of Vermin's team! Send out the next one!"
"My Own Saviour" hits the speakers and the crowd jumps to their feet. Prototype stands in the middle of the ring and stares directly at Weehawk as he stalks through the apron. Weehawk has a bag slung over his shoulder and his eyes are burning a hole through Prototype. He glances down at Bo as the EMTs help him to the back, then merely points at Prototype with one finger and slides his thumb across his throat with the other. Prototype just stands there, waiting.
ABE: "This just got interesting!"
POTTERDAM: "He can grandstand all he wants, look what it got Bo!"
SAM: "Weehawk tosses his bag in the ring and slides in, but Prototype is on top of him. Irish Whip to the corner, he runs in after him... Weehawk moves out of the way and Prototype hits chest first, dazed from the impact of his own momentum. Weehawk DDTs him on the bag! The fans are on their feet erupting! Weehawk looks to the ropes and runs in... SPRINGBOARD ROLLING SENTON! He's up and hooks the arms of Prototype... REVERSE TIGER DRIVER plants him into the mat!"
ABE: "That's what you get when you come after the Sickos, pal!"
POTTERDAM: "He's playing with him... he's got to be playing with him..."
SAM: "Weehawk throws a kick, but Prototype dodges and Clothelines him down from behind. Prototype leans in, but Weehawk has his hand in his bag... he pulls out a FORK! He stabbed Prototype right on that gash Bo left with the Sickle! Ref missed it!"
POTTERDAM: "HOW?!? He was RIGHT THERE! I swear he's in their pocket!"
SAM: "Weehawk's got the arms hooked again... Reverse Tiger Driver! Prototype is getting to his feet slowly this time... Weehawk knocks him back down with a High Kick to the skull! Prototype is up again, and this time catches Weehawk with a Kidney Punch... and another... he tries again but Weehawk hooks the arm and Arm Whips him over. Prototype is up again, but eats another High Kick!"
CROWD: "OHHHH!!!"
ABE: "They could hear that crack in New York!"
SAM: "Prototype is STILL getting up... Weehawk shrugs and ANOTHER HIGH KICK! STILL Prototype gets up! He's daring Weehawk to do it again! The Ref gets in his face, but Prototype grabs him by the face and shoves him away. Weehawk measures him... UPPERCUT TO THE GROIN! The Ref missed it!"
POTTERDAM: "I AM HAVING THAT MAN FIRED!"
SAM: "Weehawk with a Magistral Cradle and the Ref drops and counts! 1... 2... HE KICKED OUT!"
ABE: "NO! The Ref's saying it was 3!"
POTTERDAM: "WHAT?!?"
SAM: "Apparently that kickout occured a split second AFTER the 3 count..."
POTTERDAM: "It just NEVER ENDS!"
SAM: "Prototype doesn't like that call, but it's over and ... WAIT A DAMN MINUTE! He just hit the Ref! TERMINAL OVERDRIVE on Stu Lumpkin! What's WRONG with this man! Weehawk is reaching into his bag... he's got a SWORD!"
ABE: "I knew Weehawk had a little bit of everything in that bag, but DAMN!"
POTTERDAM: "Could someone get security down here and get that thing away from him?!"
SAM: "Prototype is approaching Weehawk, who has the sword and is now waving him on. Prototype moves in... here comes EFW security, thank God!"
ABE: "No, let them go! If this guy's crazy enough to go after Weehawk while he's got a f##king SWORD in his hand, I say let him!"
SAM: "Security has pulled Prototype out of the ring... he's fighting them off! More security is pouring out to keep these two apart! They've broken out the tazers! Finally something seems to work on this monster! Security is dragging Prototype out of here now as the fans cheer Weehawk."
SAM: "So now it's 3 to 4, Max. What's your next ace up your sleeve?"
POTTERDAM: "This is an OUTRAGE! This biased officiating is both blatant and hostile! I will sue that Referee, I will sue the Sickos, and I will SUE EVERY SINGLE..."
ABE: "Calm down, Mr. Potterdam, calm down. Do you need me to get you some water?"
POTTERDAM: "Yes, please."
SAM: "Sit down, ABE!"
"Creeping Death" hits the speakers and the crowd immediately begins to boo. Condo leaps through the apron, landing on one knee and muscle posing. Jade slowly makes her way behind him, on crutches. Weehawk just paces in the ring, waiting.
ABE: "Well, here's an easy out..."
POTTERDAM: "Don't count him out just yet... if the Sickos want to cheat, they're about to find out that two can play at that game!"
SAM: "Condo runs to the ring and Weehawk meets him! PUNCH FOR PUNCH! Condo gets the better of him and lifts up the legs... Jade distracts the Referee and Condo hits a big Stomp to the Groin on Weehawk!"
ABE: "Hey, he stole my move!"
SAM: "Now's not the time for one of your delusional fantasies, ABE! Condo with a poke to the eyes and Weehawk back up... right next to his bag! Jade does her best to get in the ring, but only serves to distract the Ref as Weehawk grabs a Fork out of his bag and drives it into the face of Condo! Amazingly enough Condo isn't busted open. Weehawk switches gears and hits an Arm Whip. Condo hits another Eye Poke! Come on!"
ABE: "That little runt keeps stealing my moves! I'm an Olympic Hero, dammit!"
POTTERDAM: "I don't want to hear it, as far as I'm concerned this is karma!"
SAM: "Trading Punches once again... Condo's getting the better of it... BIG TIME Right Cross knocks Weehawk down! Weehawk is back up and hitting Rapid Fire Shoudas on the Condo Warrior! Condo stops the rush with a DDT. He rams Weehawk's head to the Turnbuckle... Weehawk grabs him and rams CONDO'S head through the turnbuckle! Condo kicks him away and hits another DDT. Weehawk AGAIN with the Rapid Fire Shoudas! He grabs Condo from behind... STONE COLD KILLER! Condo grabs him from behind... Weehawk reverses... HALF NELSON SUPLEX!"
ABE: "YEAH! Take that you little pissant runt!"
POTTERDAM: "GET UP YOU MORON!"
SAM: "He folded Condo in half with that! The Sickos fans loved that... Weehawk's looking around at the standing fans... he's picking Condo back up... ANOTHER HALF NELSON SUPLEX! He moves in for the kill but Condo hits a desperation DDT! He's going for the Figure Four!"
CONDO: "WHOOO!"ABE: "GOD I hate that!"
SAM: "And he's got it locked in! The Ref is checking but Weehawk isn't even acknowledging him. Weehawk escapes the hold... he's got Condo hooked... JUMPING PILEDRIVER! He backs up and allows Condo to get up to his feet. He's got him from behind... HALF NELSON SUPLEX! How many more of those can Condo TAKE?"
ABE: "That little b!%c# couldn't take the first one! Pin him Weehawk!"
SAM: "Weehawk picks him up... kick to the gut and he hooks the arms... SHORT PILEDRIVER!"
ABE: "The Dogfood Driver! Made famous by Steve Keirn back in the mid-90s!"
SAM: "I think you mean 'Pedigree', SAM..."
ABE: "Nope, only Alpo for my dogs!"
SAM: "*SIGH* Weehawk picks him up... STONE COLD KILLER! Once again Condo hangs on with a desperation move! He's measuring Weehawk as he gets up... ANOTHER Stone Cold Killer! Condo goes to the ring apron... Spring Board Huracanrana! WEEHAWK MOVES OUT OF THE WAY!"
ABE: "HA HA HA HA HA!!! He landed on his @$$!"
POTTERDAM: "ARE YOU THAT DAMN STUPID?! GET UP!"
SAM: "Weehawk climbs on the top rope... STARDUST PRESS! Ref makes the count! 1... 2... KICK OUT! How in the WORLD did Condo kick out of that?"
POTTERDAM: "He knows what I'll do if he loses this match, that's how!"
SAM: "Condo scoops him up and turns him upside down... TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! That may have gotten Condo back in the game there! He lifts Weehawk up and grabs him from behind... Weehawk reverses... Twisted Back Suplex! He picks him back up... Jumping Piledriver! Weehawk goes to the apron... Slingshot Crossbody Block! He's got Condo up again, but Condo hooks him... NORTHERN LIGHT'S SUPLEX! The Ref drops to make the count but Weehawk sticks his foot on the bottom rope, forcing the break!"
POTTERDAM: "DON'T YOU HAVE ONE SINGLE BRAIN CELL IN THAT TINY SKULL OF YOURS?! GET HIM IN THE CENTER OF THE RING, DUMB@$$!!"
SAM: "Weehawk hooks him by the arms... Reverse Tiger Driver! He's just measuring Condo as he gets up... HIGH KICK! Condo is face down, but Weehawk isn't done... he picks him up... ANOTHER High Kick! Weehawk measures him again... he runs toward the ropes... SUPERKICK! Condo caught him completely off guard! FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK! The crowd is booing as Weehawk tries to fight his way out of the hold... and he does it! Condo can't believe it! Weehawk whips him to the ropes and bounces off the other side... FLYING KARATE KICK nearly takes of Condo's head! Knee Drop! He picks up Condo and hooks the arms... ANOTHER Reverse Tiger Driver!"
ABE: "I love watching this little jack@$$ get his @$$ kicked."
POTTERDAM: "Oh, so YOU'RE in on this, too? You're ALL against me, aren't you?"
ABE: "Wha...? No, no! I just hate Condo!"
POTTERDAM: "All of you... jealous, that's what you are..."
SAM: "Weehawk with a Magistral! 1... 2... KICKOUT! Condo kicked out at 2! Condo with an Irish Whip and he hits the ropes... Clothesline drops Weehawk! And now it's time for Condo to pose for the crowd?"
POTTERDAM: "YOU F##KING MORON!!! GET ON HIM!"
SAM: "Condo scoops him up... TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! He picks him up again... Atomic Knee Crusher! He picks him back up... Weehawk gets behind him and hits a Reverse DDT! Weehawk scoops him up and Body Slams him in front of the turnbuckle. He's sticking his hands in the air and laughing... HE'S GOING UP!"
ABE: "AIR WEEHAWK!"
SAM: "STARDUST PRESS!! Weehawk goes for the cover! 1... 2... Jade stuck his foot on the rope, that no-good... Weehawk reaches out after her, but she's amazingly quick for someone with an ankle injury. Weehawk's about to pay for that distraction... SUPER KICK! Condo goes up to the top turnbuckle and waits for Weehawk to get up... what's he... 450 RANA!!"
ABE: "Where in the HELL did he learn that move?!?"
POTTERDAM: "He calls that the Sixty-Niner! Come on Ref, do your job!"
SAM: "1... 2... KICK OUT! Weehawk kicked out! He hooks Condo... JUMPING PILEDRIVER! He falls back and hooks a leg... 1... this has got to be it... 2... HE KICKED OUT!"
POTTERDAM: "I don't know HOW, but thank you GOD!"
ABE: "Why is he not DEAD?!"
SAM: "SUPER KICK drops Weehawk... he's going back up! SIXTY-NINER! But Weehawk grabs the bottom rope! Weehawk hooks the arms again... Reverse Tiger Driver! He's not done yet... he's got him from behind... Twisted Back Suplex! Irish Whip... Condo comes back... FRANKENSTEINER! Condo is dead on the mat... Weehawk runs for the ropes, leaps... Springboard Rolling Senton! He picks Weehawk up and stand behind him... REVERSE FRANKENSTEINER! Weehawk moves in again... GROIN UPPERCUT by Condo! Weehawk folds over and falls to the mat in pain and Condo scrambles up the turnbuckle... MOONSAULT FOOTSTOMP across the back of Weehawk! An absolutely VICIOUS move! Condo has him up and hooks the head and arm... Uranage plants Weehawk hard! Condo has him back up... FLAIR CHOPS!"
CROWD: "WHOOO!"
ABE: "WILL YOU ALL STOP THAT?!?"
SAM: "You could hear those chops all over the arena! And Condo once again Muscle Poses for the crowd rather than pin his opponent. He hits the ropes... Flair Knee Drop!"
CONDO: "WHOOO!!"ABE: "That does it, I'm getting in there myself!"
SAM: "You stay right where you are! Condo lifts Weehawk up and watches him stand dazedly, then blatanly pokes him in the eyes! Come on Ref! TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER plants Weehawk on his head... Condo is posing some more now... UNCLE CONDO #2! He's locking on his patented Finishing Manuever!"
POTTERDAM: "YES! Come on, for once in your life, win the big one!"
SAM: "Weehawk is in tremendous pain, but he's not giving up! Condo wrenches back on the hold but Weehawk refuses to give! Wait... he's reaching his leg out... he sees he's close to the ropes... if he can just get that foot under... YES, the hold is broken!"
POTTERDAM: "DAMMIT!"
SAM: "Irish Whip to the ropes, Weehawk ducks the Clothesline and Condo keeps running to the opposite end... THEY BOTH COLLIDE! Both men are down and Stu Lumpkin lays in the count! Condo is up first! He grabs Weehawk for a Northern Light's... Weehawk's got it blocked... DDT!! ANOTHER DDT! Condo's rolling on the mat holding his neck!"
ABE: "HA HA HA HA! Look at him squirm!"
POTTERDAM: "Oh, hell!"
SAM: "Weehawk climbs the top rope again... 450 SPLASH! This has GOT to be it! 1... 2... JADE STICKS HIS FOOT ON THE ROPE AGAIN! Someone's got to get her out of here!"
ABE: "No way, she's the only thing that makes having Condo around worthwhile!"
SAM: "Condo locks on Uncle Condo #2!! Weehawk is too close to the ropes and the hold is broken, reluctantly. Condo lifts him up... FLAIR CHOP across the chest!"
CROWD: "WHOO!"
ABE: "AAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!"
SAM: "Are you okay?"
ABE: "Sorry, had to be done."
SAM: "Weehawk forces Condo into position... Sitting Piledriver! He's looking to finish Condo off as Jade slowly gets on the apron, drawing the attention of the Ref... MULE KICK by Condo drops Weehawk to the mat! It's like 2 on 1 out there! Condo climbs to the top rope... Moonsault Footstomp across the back of Weehawk! Condo measures him as he slowly gets up... Left Jab! Another Left Jab! Another! And a BIG Right hand puts Weehawk down. Condo's going to fly again... Weehawk stands up dizzy... SIXTY-NINER! 1... 2... CONDO'S GRABBED THE TOP ROPE! The Ref sees it! Condo is arguing with the official now, which gives Weehawk ample time to kick Condo in the back. He hooks the arms... SHORT PILEDRIVER! The fans are on the edge of their seats here as Weehawk hauls Condo up... STONE COLD KILLER! Both men are down! Can Condo capitalize on the move... he's up, but so is Weehawk! Condo takes him down with a DDT! Condo is measuring him as he gets up... Jumping Spin Kick catches Weehawk square on the jaw! Condo lifts him back up... Weehawk knocks him down with a Forearm Smash!"
POTTERDAM: "YOU IDIOT! JUST PIN HIM ALREADY!"
SAM: "Weehawk climbs the top rope... SWANTON BOMB across Condo's back! Both men are down again... SOMEHOW Condo is back to his feet... he has Weehawk... NORTHERN LIGHT'S SUPLEX! 1... 2... FOOT ON THE ROPE! How many close ones can we have in this match?! Weehawk with a Magistral! Condo is too close to the ropes and grabs them with everything he has! Both men up... Weehawk hits the Piledriver again! He picks him up... Twisted Back Suplex! He measures Condo as he gets up... Nyman Kick! They heard that one in the Tower of London! ANOTHER Piledriver!"
ABE: "The little bastard's going to be wearing a neckbrace for a month, heh heh."
POTTERDAM: "I don't find this amusing at all, gentlemen."
SAM: "Weehawk gives the X sign and shakes his fists! He hooks Condo from behind... ANOTHER Twisted Back Suplex! Weehawk falls back and hooks the leg!"
POTTERDAM: "KICK OUT YOU WORTHLESS PILE OF..."
ABE: "1!"
SAM: "2!"
POTTERDAM: "Three..."
SAM: "What a match-up! Both men are still down... wait a minute, Jade just threw away those crutches and is getting in the ring! The Ref is helping Weehawk up and raising his hand... HIGH KICK by Jade on Weehawk catches him square in the jaw, knocking him flat on his back!"
POTTERDAM: "At least SOMEONE earns their money around here."
ABE: "Oh, man, she's going to be sorry she did that..."
SAM: "Team Vermin now has a 4 to 2 advantage over your team now, Max. Any thoughts?"
POTTERDAM: "Yes... I'm thinking there is a dead man laying in the ring there, and his Executioner is about to come for him."
Right as he says the words, "Kagato's Organ Recital" hits the speakers and Death's Head makes his way to the ring."
ABE: "Uh-oh."
SAM: "Weehawk is slowly pulling himself up using the ring ropes, but that last match has visibly taken it's toll on him. There's no way he can continue."
ABE: "Hey, at least he took out that cockroach, Condo!"
SAM: "Death's Head is in the ring now and moving in for the kill... STRAIGHT PUNCH FROM WEEHAWK! Weehawk just got a surge of energy! Another Straight Punch and Death's Head is being rocked back! RAPID FIRE SHOUDAS! The crowd is electric! Can Weehawk pull it off? Irish Whip... Death's Head reverses it and hits the ropes... THE SICKLE! Death's Head's trademark Clothesline nearly takes Weehawk's head off and he wastes no time falling back on him and hooking the leg! 1... 2... and 3! That was just the straw that broke the camel's back for Weehawk. An outstanding showing from the littlest Sicko, though."
ABE: "I wouldn't let him hear me call him that if I were you."
"Brothers of Metal" hits the speakers and Avatar comes running through the curtain and down the ramp, wasting no time getting in the ring.
POTTERDAM: "Ah, the next lamb to the slaughter. Heh heh."
ABE: "Hey, he's a Sicko. They don't just let ANYBODY in, you know."
SAM: "Avatar hits a Knife Edge Chop across the chest of Death's Head, then follows up with a Snap Mare. Death's Head is up and answers with a Chop of his own, followed by an Irish Whip, but Avatar catches the ropes. Another Chop from Death's Head. Avatar has had enough and scoops him up and Body Slams him to the mat, where he locks on a Sleeper Hold. Death's Head fights his way out of it, only to get Snap Mare'd again. Avatar hits a Belly to Belly Suplex and the Sickos fans are really getting behind him! Now he's just STOMPING him over and over... he hauls Death's Head up... HE FLIPPED HIM OVER WITH A LARIAT! Avatar spun Death's Head 360 degrees with that one!"
ABE: "Kind of reminds me of Vermin there."
POTTERDAM: "..."
SAM: "Death's Head with an Arm Whip, but Avatar quickly answers with a hard Irish Whip into the corner! He follows in and repeatedly RAMS his shoulder into Death's Head's mid-section. He grabs him from behind... CHOKE SLEEPER! He wrenched his neck with that one!"
ABE: "CALL THE PARAMEDICS!"
SAM: "Rapid Fire Chops from Avatar puts down Death's Head, allowing Avatar to hit the Jumping Elbow Drop. He lifts him up, only to get Irish Whipped to the ropes... THE SICKLE takes down Avatar! Death's Head grabs him for a move, but Avatar lifts him up into a Torture Rack... BURNING HAMMER drives Death's Head's... well 'head' into the mat!"
ABE: "LAST CUP O' SORROW!"
POTTERDAM: "Will you stop doing that?"
ABE: "Sorry."
SAM: "Avatar is giving the signal... he's applying his version of the Saturday Night Fever! The Ref checks, but Death's Head refuses to give up. Death's Head escapes the hold; scoops up Weehawk... a Body Slam followed by a Knee Drop. Avatar isn't down for long though, whipping Death's Head to the corner... he's tying him to the Tree of Woe! Mercilessly Avatar stomps Death's Head in the chest while he's trapped! He falls to the mat and Avatar reaches down to pick him up... Death's Head traps his arm... Chop! Another Chop! ANOTHER Chop! And finally he Chops him down! Death's Head applies the Boston Crab... he lets go of that one and takes Avatar down in a Side Headlock... Avatar gets a foot on the ropes and the hold is broken. Death's Head isn't letting go! Come on Ref, give him the count... HIGH ANGLE LEG LIFT BACK SUPLEX from Avatar breaks the move!"
POTTERDAM: "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? YOU'RE NOT A TACKLING DUMMY! FIGHT BACK!"
SAM: "Avatar forces him into position... oh, this isn't... 187 POWERBOMB! And the rookie Sicko is almost dominating the veteran Death's Head! Death's Head starts to slowly get up... CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! Avatar has it hooked right in the center of the ring!"
POTTERDAM: "HOLD ON, DAMN YOU! HOLD ON!"
SAM: "Death's Head fights his way out of it, somehow. Avatar with a whip to the corner... Death's Head reverses it... Avatar kicks him coming in, but gets taken down with the One Handed Bulldog. Death's head places a knee on the shoulder of Avatar and tries to pull his arm out of it's socket, but Avatar is too close to the ropes and the hold is broken. Avatar with a Fireman's Carry Takeover! Death's Head is up, but Avatar has him from behind... Back to Back Belly to Back Suplex! We're really seeing the influence of the other Sickos on this rookie. He covers and hooks the leg... 1... 2... kick out by Death's Head. Death's Head with an Irish Whip, he hits the opposite ropes and comes in with a Flying Shoulder Block! He locks on the Sleeper Hold... Avatar manages to slide out of it. RAPID FIRE CHOPS from Avatar put down Death's Head once again. He hits the ropes and comes off with a King Kong Kneedrop! What elevation!"
ABE: "I like this kid!"
POTTERDAM: "..."
SAM: "Avatar tosses Death's Head out to the floor and is quick to follow. He hooks Death's Head from behind... HALF NELSON SUPLEX ON THE FLOOR! Dear Lord! Avatar picks him up... Piledriver on the floor! He picks him up AGAIN... One Armed Backbreaker! Out of nowhere Death's Head hits a Waterwheel Drop on the floor! He's too hurt to follow up however... High Angle Leg Lift Back Suplex by Avatar on the floor! Max, you've got to be impressed with the way this rookie is handling one of your star players!"
POTTERDAM: "..."
SAM: "Cat got your tongue, eh? Avatar is back in the ring as Death's Head is getting up... he's reaching under the ring! What..? HE'S GOT A SLEDGEHAMMER! Come on now, we've seen some pretty far fetched stuff in this match, but this is over the top! Death's Head is in and going for the Home Run Swing... Avatar ducks! He grabs Death's Head, who overpowers him and hooks him for a Suplex... Avatar block and reverses with a Suplex of his own! He hits a Jumping Elbow Drop and covers... hooking the leg... 1... 2... 3! What an upset!"
POTTERDAM: "DAMMIT THIS IS BULL$#!%!!"
SAM: "Hey, watch the language!"
"The Harkkonens" hits the speakers and Onslaught explodes through the curtain, ready to rip someone's head off. He storms down the ramp, never taking his eyes off the ring.
SAM: "Well, you're down to your last team member, Max. To win this he would have to get by this impressive rookie, and waiting in the wings are the current Tag Team champ Bane and the former World Champ, Hannibal. You ready to just throw in the towel?"
POTTERDAM: "F##K YOU! You listen here, as long as I've still got Onslaught, there is NO hope of victory for Vermin's team! NONE!"
SAM: "That's it, get out, you're over. Cut off his mic!"
POTTERDAM: "WHAT?!? You can't...***"
SAM: "Thank you."
Potterdam makes his way to ringside, a very bitter look on his face as Onslaught steps over the top rope to confront Avatar.
SAM: "Well, that certainly upset him. Doesn't look like Max's night, does it?"
ABE: "Well, it's his own damn fault. I mean, the guy put CONDO on his team for crying out loud!"
SAM: "Onslaught goes for a big slam, but Avatar counters with a quick rollup! Onslaught immediately powers out of it, however. Onslaught tries again, only this time Avatar counters and turns it into a Ground Octopus Stretch! He can't hold onto it due to Onslaught's massive frame... Onslaught scoops him up and brings him crashing across his knee with a Back Breaker, and then SLAMS him down to the mat! The Monster's continuing to work on the back using a Stretch Muffler. He releases the hold, hauls him up, and Head-Butts him back down. Irish Whip... Avatar ducks the Double Ax-Handle... Onslaught ducks the Clothesline... he powers Avatar into position... DOMINATOR! He hits another Backbreaker Slam, continuing to damage the back of Avatar."
ABE: "It looks like Onslaught IS ready to take on 3 guys in a row!"
SAM: "Avatar swings with a Burning Lariat, but Onslaught ducks and lifts him up for an Atomic Drop... he's holding him up... DEVASTATOR!!! He turned it into a Devastaor! What IMPACT! Avatar gets up, only to eat a Big Boot to the face! Onslaught leaps high in the air and comes crashing down with a Big Splash for the pin! 1... 2... KICK OUT! Avatar is still in this thing! Fireman's Carry Takeover! Another Fireman's Carry! Chops to the Chest! Avatar's building momentum... Onslaught brings it to a halt with a BIG Punch to the Gut, folding Avatar over. The Big Man tries to follow it up... Avatar with a go-behind... BACK TO BACK BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX!!"
ABE: "That's 383 lb. he just did that to!"
SAM: "Onslaught is resilient, however, and is quickly back to his feet. Avatar elbows him down and gives the signal for the Saturday Night Fever! He locks it on, but Onslaught is in the ropes. Avatar follows up with a pair of Snap Mares, but Onslaught powers him into a big Body Slam... BIG SPLASH for the cover! 1... 2... KICK OUT! This Avatar doesn't give up easy! He's going to do it again! BIG SPLASH! 1... 2... KICKOUT! AVATAR KICKED OUT AGAIN! Onslaught is getting angry in there... REVERSE POWERBOMB by the Monster! He picks him back up... ATOMIC DEVASTATOR!! He's STILL not through... CHOP BY AVATAR! And another... RAPID FIRE CHOPS lay into Onslaught! The Big Man tries another Dominator, but Avatar reverses it, sending him toppling over his head! He whips Onslaught to the ropes... Onslaught catches himself and catches Avatar with a Hammer Punch that knocks him flat! BIG SPLASH! 1... 2... KICK OUT! Avatar barely got the shoulder up that time!"
ABE: "Man, the Sickos know how to make 'em, don't they?"
SAM: "SMALL PACKAGE BY AVATAR! Only a one count! He locks on the Ground Octopus Hold! Onslaught breaks out of it! Onslaught Military Presses Avatar high above his head and sends him crashing down on the mat! Avatar gets up, only to get Booted in the face again. BIG SPLASH from Onslaught! 1... 2... HE KICKED OUT AGAIN! How much more of this can Avatar take?! He's going for the 187 on Onslaught! Can he get the Seven Footer up? He's trying... ONSLAUGHT REVERSED IT! Avatar goes flying over the top rope to the floor! Onslaught follows him out, with Potterdam screaming orders at him, and he whips Avatar HARD into the corner post! Oh God, not the Atomic Devastator out here! No... OH MY GOD! ATOMIC DEVASTATOR drove all of Onslaught's Weight through throat and back of Avatar on the concrete! Somebody stop this match!"
ABE: "No way, this guy's a Sicko! He'd sooner be shot than be carried out!"
SAM: "Onslaught toys with him, whipping him repeatedly into the security
railing before tossing him back in the ring. Avatar with a go-behind...
Onslaught falls back on him with all of his weight! Good God, not the Splash
too! BIG SPLASH from Onslaught! 1... 2... and there's the 3!! This man isn't
human! A great performance by Avatar, but the 7'0 Monster was just too much for
him on this occassion.
SAM: "Potterdam is holding up two fingers for Onslaught... 'just two more' is right. We've seen some impressive performances out of Onslaught before, but to beat 3 men in a row?"
ABE: "And the last two are one half of the current Tag Team Champions, a man who has BEATEN Onslaught in recent weeks, and a former World Heavyweight Champion! It looks to me like the Sickos are taking this one home."
"Feed My Frankenstein" hits the speakers and Bane makes his way out. He is not his usual cocky self, looking over his shoulder constantly as he walks to the ring.
SAM: "And here comes the current leader of the Sickos, Bane. I understand at a recent House Show Bane took a serious beating from Onslaught and still came back to win the match for Sick & Sexy. If he can repeat that performance here he'll have won one for his team and given Hannibal a night off!"
ABE: "Who would have thought things would turn out this way?"
SAM: "Onslaught looks over to Potterdam for some advice and Bane jumps into the ring and runs at him... right into THE STONEWALL! Bane topples to the mat like a ton of bricks! Onslaught with a Stretch Muffler, softening up the back of Bane. Bane manages to slip out of the hold... he's got Onslaught's arms hooked... DOUBLE ARM SUPLEX on the 383 lb. Monster! Onslaught is back up, but Bane graps the leg... High Speed Dragonscrew Leg Whip! Bane rolls him up... he's got two handfuls of tights!"
ABE: "Ah, yes, I won my 6th Gold Medal with that move..."
SAM: "Even with the added help Onslaught still kicked out at 1! Bane with Rapid Fire Chops, knocking the Big Man off balance and to the mat... Bane's applying a Stretch Muffler of his own! That's a big leg to be holding over your neck... and he can't hold on to it! Bane with an Arm Whip, and goes back to work with the Stretch Muffler. He's persistent, you gotta give him that. Onslaught kicks him off, but as soon as he's up Bane goes back to that leg with a High Speed Dragonscrew Leg Whip! And back to the Stretch Muffler! Again Onslaught kicks him off... the Big Man is back to his vertical base... BODY SLAM over the top rope to the floor! Onslaught follows him to the outside and picks him back up... HIGH ANGLE BODYSLAM ON THE FLOOR! He spreads the legs... GROIN HEAD-BUTT!"
ABE: "OH NO! All the ladies in the audience just fainted! Somebody call Viagra!"
SAM: "You have some deep, serious issues, ABE. Onslaught hits another High Angle Body Slam on Bane to the floor, continuing to weaken the back. Onslaught with a Big Boot, but Bane rolls with it, gets past his defenses and he's got him set... Northern Light's Suplex... he rolls through into a Crucifix Armbar! He can't get the submission on the floor! Bane breaks the hold and switches back to the Rapid Fire Chops. He gets behind Onslaught... CARRY STYLE BACK SUPLEX! How is he getting him UP? Stretch Muffler, but they're still on the outside! Finally Bane manages to roll Onslaught back in... Onslaught catches him with a Big Punch to the Gut on his way back in... Falling Head-Butt on the small of the back! And again! Bane tries for a Double Arm Suplex... he can't get the Big Man over... Onslaught dumps him over the top rope back to the outside! He follows him out... Bane whips him into the guard rail! He goes back to the Stretch Muffler... he can't hold it forever and is forced to let go... Onslaught with a DOMINATOR on the concrete!"
ABE: "OW! I mean... just... OW!"
SAM: "Onslaught slides him back in the ring... Head-butt puts Bane down to the mat. Bane tries another Double Arm Suplex... no good, Onslaught blocks it and Back Body Drops him over. Onslaught is on top of him now... he's repeatedly HEAD-BUTTING him on the ground! Both men on their feet... another Big Punch to the Gut on Bane... Bane gets a second wind and hits a Falcon Arrow... too close to the ropes! Onslaught is going for another Dominator... Bane PICKS HIM UP... SHU-BANE!!"
ABE: "He used Onslaught's own weight against him!"
SAM: "And now he's going for the Stretch Muffler again... Onslaught’s leg is bending the wrong way with that one!”
ONSLAUGHT: “RRRAAAAAARGGGGHHHHHH!!”
ABE: “JESUS, did you hear that?!”
SAM: “Yes, I did, and so did Stu Lumpkin! It looks like he’s stopping this one before Onslaught’s leg pops out of it’s socket! Potterdam is LIVID!"
LARRY: "The winners of this contest are... TEAM VERMIN!!"
SAM: "Well, it looks like it's going to be an easy night for Hannibal! What a showing by Team Vermin!"
ABE: "Well, the Pantheon had a rough night, but don't think for a minute we've seen the last of them!"
SAM: "Potterdam is screaming at the Referee as usual. Bane’s posing for the crowd… Onslaught’s up, LOOK OUT! DEVASTATOR on Bane! Onslaught is FURIOUS in there… he’s going for it again! HERE COME THE SICKOS! Hannibal, Avatar, Weehawk, and a bandaged up Bo Abobo hit the ring… the Pantheon is hot on their heels and we’ve got a PIER 6 BRAWL!"
ABE: "YES!"
SAM: “Bane struggles to pull himself to his feet as everyone else finds a partner and brawls. Bo knocks Onslaught to the outside of the ring with a Screw High Kick. Now Atlas has Bo… ATLAS SHRUGGED on the already injured Bo Abobo! Hannibal pounds the hell out of Condo on the mat with the Tenderizer, only to get knocked off by a High Kick from Jade! Weehawk gets some revenge by hitting a Roundhouse Wheel Kick on Jade, knocking her over the top rope to the floor, much to the fans delight! Death’s Head has Avatar in the Last Chance Stranglehold in the corner and is choking the life out of him as Weehawk and Atlas battle it out. Bane is to his feet and mocking Onslaught… OH MY GOD, Prototype is back out! The blood is still streaming from his face as he hits the ring… Bane sees him and… he’s getting out of there! I’ve NEVER seen such a look of fear on Bane’s face! Prototype shoves Atlas out of the way and grabs Weehawk… TERMINAL OVERDRIVE! Hannibal is to his feet and dazed and walks into Prototype… TERMINAL OVERDRIVE on Hannibal! Avatar has broken free from Death’s Head and attacks the big man from behind… his blows are having no effect! TERMINAL OVERDIVE on Avatar! Potterdam is getting his men out of there as Prototype stands over a ring full of knocked out Sickos, roaring!”
ABE: “I have NEVER seen the Sickos hit like this in their entire career! Who can STOP this guy?”
SAM: "We’re out of time, fans! For 'Odd' ABE this is SAM Michaels saying GOOD NIGHT everybody!"