EFW Tuesday Night Mayhem
3-Com Park
San Fransisco, California
(The camera come on to show the EFW ring, set up in the middle of the field the San Fransisco 49ers
play on as the fireworks explode into the sky!! 30,000+ fans have packed the stadium, waiting
for the action to begin!! A 20-foot high 'EFW' symbol sits over the locker room entrance!!)
JB : "Welcome everyone to 3 Com Park in San Fransisco!!! Welcome to EFW Friday Night Massacre!!
I'm Jim Biggins and with me as always is Buck Hammerstien, but it looks like we're getting
started early tonight!!"
('Creeping Death' comes over the stadium's PS system and the crowd goes into a chorus of boos.
The 'Extreme' Condo Warrior comes out of the large 'EFW' symbol, followed by three men in suits.
While Condo makes his way to the ring taunting the fans, JB runs down the card)
MAIN EVENT
EFW BATTLE ROYAL
Every EFW wrestler will battle to become the #1 contender to the US title!!
World Title Match
Vermin (c) vs "The Icon" Rick Idol
Cruiserweight Title Lumberjack Match
"Extreme" Condo Warrior (c) vs Nomad
Weehawk vs Shadow
Onslaught vs Diablo
Striker vs The Show
Marty the Mauler/Warpath vs Scorpion/Rebel/Xtreme Gangsta
Bane vs "Extreme" Condo Warrior in a Pose-Down
(Condo has made it to the ring. He has a mic)
CONDO - (BIG SMILE) I'll get to kicking Bane's Condo Wannabe @$$ in a
minute, but first I want to give all my Condo Groupies the great news!
Behind me stand the best damn legal staff that money can buy, and
they've been busy all week trying to break this bogus contract I have
with Nomad tonight. And of course, I WON! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
That's right, Condo Wannabes, there WILL be no Lumberjack Match
tonight! Nomad HAD his shot at the champ, and he BLEW it!
(THE BOOS ARE DEAFENING)
CONDO - Right now I want to bring out Monkey Man Giove so I can tell him
where to stick Nomad's title shot! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
(PRESIDENT GIOVE MAKES HIS WAY TO THE RING. HE STEPS THROUGH THE ROPES AND FOLDS HIS ARMS)
CONDO - That's right, POUT! Your little boy, No-mind, is just going to
have to stay in the back with his little buddies tonight while I go on
to win that Battle Royale!
GIOVE - Oh really? Can I see this document please?
(CONDO HANDS OVER THE CONTRACT, LAUGHING THE WHOLE TIME. PRESIDENT
GIOVE DOESN'T EVEN GIVE IT A GLANCE AS HE TEARS IT UP AND LETS THE
PIECES FALL TO THE MAT; CONDO GOES NUTS AS THE CROWD CHEERS)
GIOVE - I don't CARE what that paper said, you WILL defend the EFW
Cruiserweight Title tonight, it WILL be against Nomad, and it WILL be a
Lumberjack Match! (CROWD CHEERS EVEN LOUDER) AND, if you do NOT come
out to defend that belt, not only will I STRIP you of the Title, but you
will be SUSPENDED INDEFINITELY! (CROWD GOES BERSERK WITH CHEERS)
CONDO - You can't do this!!! I'm the Unified Light Heavyweight Champion
of the World, you...
(*FUMING WITH ANGER, HE SPINS PRESIDENT GIOVE AROUND AS HE TRIES TO LEAVE
AND NAILS HIM WITH THE "STONE COLD KILLER"; THE FANS BOO THE HELL OUT OF
HIM AS HE APPLIES "UNCLE CONDO" TO THE UNCONSCIOUS PRESIDENT. OFFICIALS
SWARM THE RING TO PRY CONDO OFF)
(In the commotion, Bane has made his way to the ring, wearing a Rick Rude-esque robe and a beret. The lawyers exit along with the officials.
Bane gives Giove a special helping hand exiting the ring in the form of kick in the ribs that sends
him under the bottom rope to the floor. Bane then snatches the mic from Condo, who's not happy
about it)
Bane : (smiling) : "Now, little boy, you're gonna get to see a REAL man for the first time
in your life. Hit my music!!"
(Joe Cocker's 'You Can Leave Your Hat On' blares over the speakers as Bane begins to striptease.
The ladies are loving it, while the men hate it. Condo is sitting on the top turnbuckle, dusting
his fingernails and not even paying attention. It appears that Bane is naked underneath the robe.
He teases taking it off a few times, then finally tears it off in one smooth motion. He isn't
naked, he's wearing a skin-colored thong. On the front, over the crotch, it says 'ONLY ON PPV!' The
music stops and Bane talks into the mic)
Bane : "Now, then----"
Condo : (snatches the mic) : "OKAY, Okay, we've had the night's dose of vomit-inducing filth.
NOW it's time for ME to make the ladies quiver with delight! Hit MY music!!"
(As Hulk Hogan's 'Real American' music hits, Condo opts for muscle poses instead of a striptease.
He recives mostly boos as he goes through pose after pose, but after the 5th or 6th one some
of the ladies begin to cheer him. He ends his posedown with a complicated backflip, landing in
a kneeling position with his back to the camera and arms raised in a flex)
Bane : "Hmmmm. Not bad, not bad at all. Now, let's ask the judges to decide. LADIES, WHAT DO
YOU THINK?? DO YOU VOTE FOR ME???"
(The ladies explode)
Condo : "Now, how about ME!!!???"
(Suprisingly, the ladies explode for Condo too. Condo looks shocked)
Bane : "Well, Condo, I'd say that's a tie. I guess we're BOTH the sexiest men in the federation!"
Condo : "You know, for the first time in my life, I AGREE with you!"
(Condo and Bane laugh it up. President Giove, wearing a neck brace, comes out of the entrance. He
is followed by two men carrying a box. He comes down and enters the ring)
Giove : "Wait, wait, gentlemen. For the sake of the EFW fans, we can't have a tie here."
(Condo and Bane look at each other, wondering what the prez is up to)
Giove : "So I've brought a special TIE-BREAKER JUDGE! Whoever this judge chooses will be the winner
of the Pose-Down!!"
(Condo and Bane look relieved. Giove opens the box, and LORETTA THE SHEEP jumps out. Bane
is stunned. Loretta runs over and rubs against Bane's leg. Bane is shaking with fury as Condo
falls to the ground laughing)
Giove : "Well Bane, it looks like you win!"
(Giove grabs Loretta and leads her to the back. Condo consoles Bane, who is about to explode in anger)
JB : "I guess that will teach them not to attack the prez."
BH : "Either that or it will piss them off beyond all human comprehension, one of the two."
Striker vs The Show
The Show would be making his in-ring debut against a seasoned vet in Striker. The Show started
off very well, landing some basic kicks and takedowns, but then he took a moment to play to the
crowd. Striker took the chance and leveled The Show with a DROP KICK to the back! Striker then
took the advantage, showing his experience by countering The Show's attempts at comebacks with
ATOMIC DROPS and NECKBREAKERS. Striker went for a wild clothesline, and The Show DUCKED and BACK
BODY DROPPED Striker to the outside! Stiker landed badly on his right ankle, spraining it. The Show then hit the opposite ropes and hit an amazing SPRINGBOARD
DROPKICK on Striker! The Show grabbed the timekeeper's chair, going for a Van-Daminator... he tossed
the chair to Striker.... but Striker didn't catch it! The chair fell to the ground at Striker's feet. Show looked at Striker as
if no one had ever done that to him before.
Striker ran in for a clothesline, but since he was hindered by his injured ankle The Show sidestepped and DDT'D Striker on the chair!
Rolling Striker back in, the Show applied an ankle lock to which Striker had to submit.
RESULT:
The Show d. Striker via submission at 4:35 (Ankle lock)
As soon as the bell rung, Onslaught stalked through the curtain and to the ring. The Show wisely
rolled under the bottom rope as Onslaught hauled the wounded Striker to his feet and then threw
him back to the mat with THE DESTROYER!! As Onslaught set Striker up for another, DIABLO
silently crept out from under the ring with a quarterstaff. He slid under the bottom rope
and SLAMMED the staff into the back of Onslaught's knees! Onslaught fell backwards, and when
he hit the mat, Diablo DROVE the end of the staff into the big man's throat!! The referee grabbed
the staff from Diablo and ordered the bell rung!!
Onslaught vs. Diablo
Diablo tried his best to keep Onslaught on his back. With a look of pure disgust on his face
he dropped knees on Onslaught's head and repeatedly kicked him in the crotch. He even tried to bite off
one of Onslaught's fingers before the referee stopped him. Diablo, without hesitation, KENKA RUSHED
the poor referee into oblivion. While Diablo was distracted, Onslaught managed to regain his
feet. When Diablo turned back around, he was staring at Onslaught's chest. Onslaught managed
to keep Diablo away with his power, every time Diablo came in Onslaught tossed him to the mat. Soon, just about every area of exposed flesh Onslaught had
was bleeding. Diablo was biting, clawing, scratching, and doing anything he could to win. Vermin
and Weehawk strolled down to ringside right as Diablo went for the throat: literally. He jumped
at Onslaught's head, trying to kill the big man. Unfortunatly for him, this move put him in a perfect
position for The Destroyer, which Onslaught then delivered with thunderous force. That one move
was all Onslaught needed to secure victory as a second ref slid in and made the three count.
RESULT:
Onslaught d. Diablo at 4:32 via pinfall
Onslaught was about to grab Diablo again when Vermin and Weehawk entered the ring. Weehawk scraped
his brother off the mat while Vermin and Onslaught had a short stare down. Both sides exited without any
blows being thrown.
Weehawk vs Shadow
Weehawk remained at ringside and waited for Shadow to appear. When he did appear, Weehawk
grabbed a chair and sprinted down the isle. Shadow ROUNDHOUSE KICKED the chair back
into Weehawk's face, then jumped on him and began laying punches in. The brawl continued,
including a Shadow FACEBUSTER on Weehawk and Weehawk returing the favor with a PILE DRIVER,
both on the ground outside the ring. The referee ran down to try to get both men in the ring
for several minutes to no avail. Shadow BULLDOGGED Weehawk into the guardrail and then headed for
the ring, but Weehawk recovered in time to catch him from behind with a GERMAN SUPLEX. Both men's
tempers were gone. The referee was forced to start the match eventually, and both men were counted
out. The match never made it to the ring.
RESULT:
Double Countout at 6:01
Marty the Mauler/Warpath vs Scorpion/Rebel/Xtreme Gangsta
This match was an exersize in frustration for Marty and Warpath. Marty and Rebel started things
for their respective teams. Rebel used his speed to goad Marty into situations, and would then
escape at the last second before Marty clobbered him. After slapping the Mauler in the face,
Rebel ran to his corner and tagged Xtreme Gangsta. Marty was fuming, and walked to his own
corner to tag Warpath. Gangsta did the same sorts of things to Warpath: he stayed out of his reach,
landing a jab here and a kick there, and right as Warpath was about to reach him he would
tag Rebel. Soon, the Vigilante team was standing on the apron laughing while Marty and Warpath
were about to explode. It came to a head when Gangsta made a blind tag just as Marty nailed him
with the Eazy-3. Marty was convinced the legal man was Gangsta, and when the referee leaned down
to tell him he was wrong, Marty decided he was on the side of the Vigilantes and CHOKE SLAMMED
the referee! Scorpion, Rebel and Gangsta all rushed at Marty, but Marty had lost all control.
Warpath began tossing chairs and tables in the ring while Marty was bludgeoning his three opponents
mercilessly. After pounding all three within an inch of their lives, the two HWA men made a TABLE
SANDWICH out of the three of them. Warpath then climbed to the top and the Mauler POWER BOMBED
him through the stack of tables and opponents!! Security flooded the ring and tried to restrain Marty
and Warpath, but many of the event staffers went down in heaps before Marty and Warpath decided
they'd had enough and left. The ring looked like a scene from 'Saving Private Ryan'.
RESULT:
Scorpion/Rebel/Xtreme Gangsta defeated Marty/Warpath at 9m27s via DQ
World Title Match
Vermin (c) vs "The Icon" Rick Idol
Shockingly, the Pathenon nor the Sickos came to ringside during this match to help their respective
members (with the exception of Onslaught, who followed Idol everywhere). Seeing Onslaught
at ringside, Vermin walked over to the ropes and faced him. Vermin then grabbed his crotch and said something
profane to Onslaught, and seeing the champ with his back turned Idol nailed a LOW DROPKICK before the bell! Idol started this one out clearly having a game plan and knowing how to execute it.
He was able to keep Vermin off balance for the first few minutes with some excellent technical
wrestling. Vermin clearly underestimated his opponent and he was paying for it. Idol managed to
get Vermin limping by constantly attacking the knee. Idol then went for a FLYING BODY PRESS to
take the big man down, but Vermin caught him and turned it into a STANDING POWERSLAM! Vermin began
to regain his composure at this point. Idol slowly got to his feet, but when Vermin tried a CLOTHESLINE,
Idol ducked and began kicking the back of Vermin's knee! Idol grabbed Vermin around the waist and
managed a BACK SUPLEX! It was sloppy and didn't get much air, but at least he did it. With Vermin
down, Idol mounted the turnbuckle for an ariel move. Vermin sat up and LUNGED for the ropes,
causing Idol to crotch himself on the top buckle!! Vermin then climbed the buckle himself.....
and gave the sign for the 187 POWERBOMB!! Idol tried to escape, but Vermin overpowered him. Standing on
the top buckle, Vermin 187 POWERBOMBED Idol to the mat!! The entire ring shook with the force. Vermin slowly
climbed down and made the cover, getting the three count.
RESULT:
Vermin d. Rick Idol via pinfall at 4:42
Cruiserweight Title Lumberjack Match
"Extreme" Condo Warrior (c) vs Nomad
The rest of the EFW superstars began to make their way down to ringside for the lumberjack match.
'Cold' Joe Bronie and the rest of the Pathenon were the first ones out. After everyone is out
and in place (including Nomad), Bane enters the ring with a microphone.
BANE - It is my SAD duty to inform you all that due to the
constant screwjobs that Condo has been forced to injure, he has RETIRED
from the EFW. (NOMAD LOOKS DISGUSTED, BUT THE CROWD CHEERS IN
RESPONSE) BUT... Nomad WILL have an opponent tonight! (CROWD BOOS,
NOMAD LOOKS CURIOUS) This man has sat back and watched with disgust at
all the corrupt politics and illegal practices that have been going on.
After seeing what happened to Condo tonight, he can stand back no more.
The EFW needs a hero, and he's ready to step up and bring down the
corruption that rules over the EFW, starting with Nomad tonight! Ladies
and gentlemen, defending the EFW Cruiserweight Title, I give you the
NEWLY crowned Unified Light Heavyweight Champion of the World, THE
PURPLE ROCKET!
*UNFAMILIAR MUSIC BLASTS OUT OF THE LOUD SPEAKERS AND ALL EYES TURN
TOWARD THE CURTAIN. SUDDENLY, A MOTORCYCLE ENGINE IS HEARD REVVING AND
THROUGH THE CURTAIN COMES BLAZING A BIZARRE SIGHT: A COSTUMED
INDIVIDUAL WEARING A PURPLE MASK, PURPLE AND BLACK TIGHTS WITH AN
OUTLINE OF A CONDOM DOWN THE SIDE, A BLACK CAPE WITH "PURPLE ROCKET"
WRITTEN ON THE BACK, AND RIDING A PURPLE AND BLACK MOTORCYCLE WITH A
PURPLE OUTLINE OF A CONDOM AIRBRUSHED ACROSS THE SIDE. THE MFWL LIGHT
HEAVYWEIGHT BELT IS AROUND HIS WAIST; THE DESECRATED EFW CRUISERWEIGHT
BELT IS BEING DRAGGED BY A CHAIN ATTACHED TO THE BACK OF THE
MOTORCYCLE. THERE IS NO DOUBT THAT THIS IS THE "EXTREME" CONDO WARRIOR
IN DISGUISE. HE BRINGS THE BIKE TO A STOP AND STEPS OFF*
PURPLE ROCKET - (RAISES HIS ARM TO THE SKY) WHOOOOOO!!!
(Almost immediatly after he steps off the bike, Xtreme Gangsta smashes a 40 over the Rocket's
head and rolls him in the ring!!)
The Pathenon immediatly made a beeline for Gangsta on the other side of the ring as Nomad stomped
a mudhole in the Rocket. The Sickos stood with Gangsta, though, and the Pathenon backed off.
Nomad whipped Rocket to the ropes, and when he came back, Nomad grabbed him by the head and TOSSED
him over the top rope..... right into the VICIOUS ALLIANCE!! The VA was having fun kicking the hell
out of Rocket until the Pathenon made the save and rolled him back in the ring. Nomad hauled the
Rocket back to his feet, and Rocket got a thumb up into Nomad's eye. He followed it up with an
INVERTED ATOMIC DROP! Rocket then raised his hands and let out a 'WHOOOOOO!!!' before landing
an ELBOWDROP to Nomad's chest. Rocket then whipped Nomad into the buckle and followed it up
with a CLOTHESLINE!! Nomad slumped down, and the Rocket once again took time to cheer. But this
time when he turned back around he ran right into a DROPKICK!! Nomad followed with another DROPKICK!!
He grabbed the stunned Rocket and landed a SWINGING NECKBREAKER!! Nomad was rolling and he had
the crowd behind him 100%! Nomad set Rocket for a NORTHERN LIGHTS BOMB... but when he lifted Rocket up,
Rocket dropped down and reversed it into a DIAMOND CUTTER!! Nomad went down hard, and the Rocket
wasn't much better...
Meanwhile, the situation outside the ring was getting worse. The Sickos got into it with the
VA, which left Gangsta alone against the Pathenon. Blows had not yet been thrown, but it was getting
there quickly.
The Purple Rocket gave a signal to Rick Idol. Idol and Onslaught began to take tables out
from under the ring and stack the up. The Rocket grabbed Nomad and sat him on the top turnbuckle,
near the stack of tables! But... The Rocket turned his back to Nomad to give out one last 'WHOOOO!!'.
When he turned his back, Nomad reached out and latched on the DANGER ZONE!! The crowd went berserk!!
The Rocket tried to fight out, but Nomad had the hold locked in a death grip!! The Pathenon
tried to enter the ring to cause the DQ, but the other lumberjacks refused to let that happen!!
After a few seconds of being in the Danger Zone, the Purple Rocket tapped out!!!
RESULT:
Nomad d. The Purple Rocket via submission at 5:12
NEW CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION!!
Nomad released the hold and stood up, accepting the new EFW Cruiserweight title belt from
the official. He then grabbed the Purple Rocket's mask and asked the crowd if they wanted an
unmasking! The crowd gave him a resounding YES! Nomad began to unlace the mask.... but, from
out of nowhere, SWEET DADDY jumped into the ring, holding a golf club! He ran up behind Nomad
and WRAPPED THE CLUB AROUND HIS HEAD!! A huge brawl erupted outside the ring at the exact same moment,
the battle royal was on!!!
MAIN EVENT
THE BATTLE ROYAL
Xtreme Gangsta produced a large cardboard box of weapons and items from somewhere and LOBBED
it into the ring!! Forks, sickles, Nintendos, keyboards and the like were strewn all over the ringside
area as Sweet Daddy and The Purple Rocket stomped Nomad into oblivion!! The rest of the EFW
superstars flooded the ring and the brawl got worse!! Keyboard keys and bodies were flying everywhere!!
The Vigilantes and Pathenon were going at it center ring, while the Sickos had broken up and were fighting
different people. We would soon have our first elimination, as Diablo jumped at Xtreme Gangsta.
Gangsta caught him and STUN GUNNED him on the top rope, and that sent him flying over the top to
the outside!!
Xtreme Gangsta eliminates Diablo at 4:36
The Vigilantes had managed to rescue Nomad, and he was sitting in the corner trying to recover.
As in the first battle royal he was in, Warpath once again stepped to the center of the ring
and dared people to attack him. But, unlike the last time, Vermin and Onslaught were the two
who took up his challenge. Warpath, not one to back down, charged the two behemoths, but ended
up on the recieving end of a DOUBLE POWER BOMB!! Sweet Daddy was stomping Rebel down in the corner,
and Devastation joined him. When Nomad saw this, we went ballistic!! He charged SD and nailed him
with a FLYING LARIAT that threw SD completly out of the ring!!
Nomad eliminates Sweet Daddy at 4:57
Rebel was able to take on Devastation by himself while Scorpion battled it out with Apocalypse and The Show!!
Vermin and Onslaught had a disagreement over how to properly bash Warpath and ended up fighting
each other. Marty the Mauler made his way to Warpath and the two jumped Vermin and Onslaught!
Xtreme Gangsta was seen bashing a DVD player over Weehawk's head in the background, and then
recieving a KICK IN THE GROIN from behind, courtesy of the Purple Rocket, who STILL had not been
unmasked. Scorpion managed to CLOTHESLINE The Show over the top!! Rick Idol came up behind Scorpion while he was distracted with Apocalypse... he grabbed
Scorp by the trunks and HEAVED him over the top!! Rebel dumped Devastation out right afterwards!!
IDOL : "See what you get when you associate with those pukes!? Wake up!!"
Scorpion eliminates The Show at 5:18
Rebel eliminates Devastation at 5:25
Rick Idol eliminates Scorpion at 5:32
Apocalypse began to taunt Scorpion. Spun him around and nailed him with the LEGEND KILLER!! Apocalypse
tumbled back over the top and to the floor, where Scorpion began to put the boots to him!!
Rick Idol eliminates Apocalypse at 5:56
Bane immediatly jumped on Idol, slamming him to the mat with a BACK BRAIN LARIAT!! Hannibal
Lecter joined in on the beating, but soon Joe Bronie joined and evened the odds!! Nomad and Corruption
fought acorss the ring into the brawl!! Xtreme Gangsta and the Purple Rocket were at each other's
throats in one corner. Then, unexpectedly, CLETUS came running out from the back, followed by tons
of EFW security! Right as Bane was about to toss Rick Idol, Cletus reached up and grabbed his shorts,
not letting him move! Idol then escaped, and Bane's momentum took him over the top!!
Cletus eliminates Bane at 6:21
Security dragged both men to the back before they could kill each other. Nomad managed to back Corruption up to the ropes
and was trying to throw him out. Vermin saw Bane being dragged away, and he went crazy. He threw
Marty off, ran over to Rick Idol and in one motion picked him up and tossed him out into the first row!!
Meanwhile, Marty and Warpath singled out Weehawk. Nomad had the help of Gangsta, but he finally
managed to toss Corrpution!!
Nomad eliminates Corruption at 6:26
Vermin eliminates Idol at 6:31
As soon as Corruption hit the floor, Joe Bronie chose his moment to strike!! Grabbing a
bat off the mat, he SHATTERED the bat over the back of Nomad's head, sending him crashing
to the floor!! Vermin looked around for another victim, but he was too late to stop Marty from tossing Weehawk over the top!
Being a friend, Xtreme Gangsta layed into Marty.... but after seeing Weehawk get tossed, Vermin
was even more enraged!! He charged at Marty, but Marty dodged him at the last second and Vermin
accidentally LARIATED Gangsta over the top rope!! 3 Eliminations within seconds
of each other!!
Marty the Mauler eliminates Weehawk at 6:58
Joe Bronie eliminates Nomad at 6:58
Vermin eliminates Xtreme Gangsta at 7:01
Weehawk and Gangsta looked at each other for a second... then they shrugged and grabbed the feet
of the PURPLE ROCKET!! The dragged him under the BOTTOM rope and began to beat on him!! The three men
fought all the way back up the isle, towards the dressing room!! Striker and Shadow were going
at it when Sriker went to climb to the top topes... and Shadow shook the top rope, causing
him to fall to the outside!! Eazy-T, to this poitn quiet, chose his moment and AMBUSHED Vermin,
taking his legs out from behind!! He then started trying to punch Vermin, but Vermin was quickly
losing any control he had left and was screaming and speaking in tongues.
Shadow eliminates Striker at 7:14
Gangsta, Rocket and Weehawk had made it all the way back to the huge EFW sign near the dressing room.
Rocket kept trying to run, but every time one of the other two would drag him back!! Then, without
warning... Xtreme Gangsta began to scale the ladder on the side of the EFW sign!!! In the ring,
Vermin had turned his rage to Warpath and was getting the best of him. Frothing at the mouth, Vermin
dead lifted Warpath tossed him over the top!!!
BUT WAIT!! Warpath grabbed onto the top rope on his way over, his feet never touched the floor!!
Vermin turned his back, expecting Warpath was gone... instead, Waprath grabbed him by the neck and with the added force of an EAZY-T shoulder charge
hauled him over backward!! Vermin was eliminated!!!
Warpath eliminates Vermin at 7:15
Marty the Mauler stood next to the ropes with Eazy, gloating and insulting Vermin. Vermin tried to re-enter
the ring but was restrained by security. Near the entrace, Xtreme Gangsta had made it to the
top of the EFW sign, and he looked like he was going to jump....
Weehawk began rummaging through a dumpster to find something.... and he found a GAS CAN!!
When the Purple Rocket saw this, he tried to run....
But Gangsta gave a shout and JUMPED FROM THE TOP OF THE SIGN!!! The Rocket made a mad dash for the ring
while Weehawk simply stood and let Gangsta hit him!!! Both men lay in a puddle of gasoline!!! Onslaught
had slid under the bottom rope to help the Rocket and met him in the isle on the way to the ring.
In the ring, Destructo decided to take on Rebel and Joe Bronie at the same time. Joe and Rebel
together were about Destructo's size, so he was punching them around like dolls. Rebel was knocked
backwards and slammed into Joe, eliminating him! Hannibal Lecter was a man possesed. When he saw Marty gloating over Vermin, he snapped
and CHARGED the Mauler from behind, knocking him over the top!!
Rebel eliminates Joe Bronie at 7:43
Hannibal Lecter eliminates Marty the Mauler at 7:58
Destructo was having fun with poor Rebel. Hannibal grabbed Eazy-T next. Eazy and Hannibal started
a Sullivan-Benoit style punch fight. Destructo tossed Rebel out next. Eazy-T eventually lost the
fight to the much larger Hannibal, and Hannibal knocked him over the top with roundhouse right!!
THE FINAL 6 MEN WERE IN THE RING!!!!
Destructo eliminates Rebel at 7:23
Hannibal Lecter eliminates Eazy-T at 7:26
FINAL 6:
Destructo
Onslaught
Hannibal Lecter
Warpath
Shadow
The Purple Rocket
The 6 men stared each other down as the crowd went crazy, knowing the end was near!! After a few
moments, Destructo, Hannibal and Shadow ALL charged ONSLAUGHT!! Hannibal and Shadow hit the big man, rocking him
backward!! Rocket ducked under and tripped Destructo, causing him to teeter on the top rope!!
Onslaught refused to go out!! The big man grabbed Shadow and tossed him over backwards, trying
to eliminate him, but Shadow held on!! Now Onslaught was VERY off balance!! Rocket grabbed Destructo's legs and tried to throw him over,
but Destructo landed on the apron and slid back in. Warpath decided to enter the fray by attacking
Destructo!! Hannibal Lecter then let out a scream, and with one mighty lift managed to get Onslaught
up and over the top, eliminating him!!!
Hannibal Lecter eliminates Onslaught at 9:11
FINAL 5:
Destructo
Hannibal Lecter
Warpath
Shadow
The Purple Rocket
Warpath broke off his attack on Destructo and went after Hannibal!! Destructo saw that Onslaught
was gone, and sneered at the Rocket. Rocket backed up to the ropes, not knowing what to do...
Destructo charged in, but the Rocket ducked under!! Destructo turned around... and the huge ONSLAUGHT
grabbed his hair from the floor and yanked him backward!! Rocket saw his chance, he flew into action
and DROP KICKED Destructo in the chest, sending him over and eliminating him!!!
The Purple Rocket eliminates Destructo at 9:14
FINAL 4:
Hannibal Lecter
Warpath
Shadow
The Purple Rocket
Shadow crawled back in the ring and snuck up behind the Rocket. He reached up and UNMASKED
the Rocket, revealing it to be none other than THE EXTREME CONDO WARRIOR!! Condo turned, suprised,
and Shadow tried to lariat him!! Condo ducked, but Shadow then grabbed him in a front headlock
and SUPLEXED him over the top and to the floor!!
Shadow eliminates Condo at 10:12
FINAL 3:
Hannibal Lecter
Warpath
Shadow
The three men stared each other down.... Shadow motioned to Warpath that they should gang up on
Hannibal. Warpath liked the idea and both men began to close on Hannibal. Hannibal charged at Warpath
and SPEARED him to the mat!! Shadow jumped on Hannibal's back and locked on a CHOKE!! Hannibal
reeled backwards, towards the ropes. Warpath regained his feet and, after taking carefull aim,
LOBOTOMY KICKED Hannibal right in the mouth!! Hannibal tumbled backwards, Shadow on his back,
over the top rope!!! Hannibal managed to grab the rope before he hit the apron, but Shadow
was jarred loose by the impact and eliminated!!
Warpath eliminates Shadow at 10:58
FINAL 2:
Hannibal Lecter
Warpath
The crowd was on it's feet. Not a single person in 3-Com Park was sitting as Hannibal stood on
the apron and Warpath was in the ring. Warpath charged, but Hannibal ducked and rammed his shoulder
into WP's torso!! Hannibal grabbed Warpath and set him for a SUPLEX!! Hannibal SUPLEXED WARPATH...
but WP dropped out of it and onto the apron next to Hannibal!! The two men began trading blows on
the apron!!! Warpath stepped back, and threw another LOBOTOMY KICK!!! But Hannibal DUCKED THE KICK!!!
Hannibalthen grabbed WP's support foot and tripped him!! WP FELL TO THE GROUND!! HANNIBAL WINS THE BATTLE ROYAL!!
Hannibal Lecter eliminates Warpath at 11:30
NO, wait!!! Only *ONE* of WP's feet hit the ground, the other was draped on the apron!! Hannibal
turned around to re-enter the ring, thinking he'd won, when Warpath grabbed onto the bottom
rope and used his own feet to scissor the feet of Hannibal!! Hannibal tripped and fell backwards, onto
the floor!! WARPATH IS YOUR WINNER!!!!
Warpath eiminates Hannibal Lecter at 11:38
RING ANNOUNCER : "Ladies and gentlemen, here is the winner of the battle royal and NEW #1
contender to the US title.... WARPATH!!!!"
JB : "WHAT ACTION!! Every one of the 30,000+ in this park is screaming their head off!!! Warpath
is now going to have *2* title shots in one week! Could he acutally win BOTH belts!?!"
(Hannibal lost it. He grabbed the ring steps and threw them out into the crowd, flattening
some poor fan. He then jumped the guardrail and began assualting random fans, including
punching a little boy and using the K-Driller on an old woman. Eventually, a bunch of men
in white coats came running out. They had to shoot him with a tranq dart, but they finally
put him in a straight jacket and strapped him to a dolly. As he was being wheeled out, Hannibal
was heard to be humming 'Voodoo Child')
JB : "What an animal! He should be taken off the streets!"
BH : "Oh god.... oh god, NOT AGAIN!!! NO MORE!!!"
JB : "Buck, get a hold of yourself!! Fans, this is Jim Biggins and for the entire EFW crew,
GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY!!!!!!"
Copyright EFW 1998.